Snow White and the Seven Moogles
by Laer Aerlinn
Summary: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves...with a twist. Read and all will be revealed. Please R&R and enjoy!
1. Oodles of Moogles!

Snow White and the Seven Moogles

Snow White and the Seven Moogles

Zidane-Prince, Eiko-Snow White

Dagger-Queen, Vivi-Magic Mirror

Steiner-Huntsman, Beatrix-Narrator

Moogles-Moogles 

(behind the scenes)

Eiko-Oh Zidane, are you ready for the kiss yet?

Zidane-Look Eiko, the kiss isn't until near the end of the play. …And we're still waiting for those guys from Conde Petie to get here…

Eiko-You-you mean those freaky little dwarf people?

Zidane-Yeah, they seemed perfect to play seven dwarfs.

Eiko-Ugh, if I knew they were going to be the dwarves I would have never signed up for this!

Zidane-Really!? …You know Dagger could take over for you.

Dagger-(runs over to Zidane and Eiko)

Zidane, I have some bad news. The dwarves from Conde Petie can't make it. They said something about a "Rally-ho!" convention… We have no one to take over for them and the play starts in half an hour!

Zidane-Oh man, what are we going to do now? We can't cancel the play.

Morrison-Maybe we can help, kupo!

(moogles run over to Eiko)

Eiko-Hey guys! What are you doing here?

Chimomo-The seven of us came to see your play, kupo. We wanted to watch our old friend Eiko as the star, kupo.

Momatose-Now we want to help you by being the seven dwarves, kupo.

Eiko-Really!? Oh you are soo nice!

(hugs moogles)

Zidane-(whispers to Dagger)

Funny how there was exactly seven of them…

Atla-We have to repay you for delivering letters for Mognet, kupo-kupo!

Mogki-Let's get on with the show kupo-kupo-kupo!

Atla-(mutters)

He had to outdo me with the "kupos", kupo!

Beatrix-(narrates from left side of stage)

Thank you for coming to Alexandria's Mini-Theatre. Tonight's performance "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" has now been changed to "Snow White and the Seven …uh… Moogles".

Once upon a time… in a great castle, a King's daughter grew up happy and contented, in spite of a jealous stepmother. She was very pretty with …um… purple hair and green eyes. Her skin was delicate and fair, and she was named Snow White. Everyone was certain she would become very beautiful. Though her stepmother was a wicked woman, she too was beautiful and always asked her magic mirror…

(curtain opens and Dagger is standing in front of a mirror frame with Vivi behind it)

Dagger-(asks Vivi)

Mirror, mirror, on the the wall,

Who's the fairest of them all?

Vivi-(blushes)

You-you, my Queen, are fairest of all.

Beatrix-This went on for many years until one day…

Dagger-(asks Vivi)

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who's the fairest of them all?

Vivi-(blushes)

You-you, my Queen, are fair, it's true.

But little Snow White

Is a thousand times fairer than you.

Dagger-Wha-what did you just say!? How dare you!

(tries to break mirror)

Vivi-(whispers)

D-dagger! It's part of the scene!

Dagger-Oh!

(giggles)

Right. I'm sorry.

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-When the Queen heard this, she became enraged with jealousy, needless to say… She thought Snow White was to blame for her no longer being most beautiful in the land. So she summoned a huntsman…

(curtain opens and Dagger is sitting on a throne)

Dagger-Huntsman, I order you to come here.

Steiner-(enters)

Yes, Your Royal Highness?

Dagger-Take Snow White out into the woods to a remote spot, and kill her. As proof she is dead bring her lungs and liver back to me …I will cook and eat them.

Steiner-Are you sure about that? Eating them I mean. It's kind of disgusting when you think about it.

Dagger-…You're right. Gross! Gross! Gross! Ahem. Yes, and never question my orders again!

Steiner-Cranky, aren't we? Yes, Your Majesty, I will do my best.

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-The huntsman obediently took Snow White out into the deepest and darkest part of the woods…

(curtain opens and Steiner and Eiko are in front of some trees)

Eiko-Hey Mr., why are we out here again?

Steiner-Um… we are searching for the elusive blue and gold chocobo. Ahem.

(turns away from Eiko)

Kweh, kweh!

(turns back)

Oh I think I hear one over there!

(points to the left)

Eiko-(mutters)

That was a lousy chocobo impression…

(walks over to where Steiner pointed)

Steiner-(pulls out hunting knife)

Eiko-(walks back to where Steiner is)

I didn't see any chocobo… Ah! What are you doing with that knife!? Please don't kill me!

(cries)

Steiner-But the Queen wishes to eat your lungs and liver. I can't disappoint her…

Eiko-Really? Ew, gross, she wants to eat my liver? That's disgusting!

Steiner-Tell me about it… but duty is duty.

(raises knife)

Eiko-W-wait, you can't kill me!

Steiner-… … … Oh you're right.

(lowers knife)

I may appear courageous and valiant, but I'm really a coward at heart.

Eiko-(sarcastically)

Right.

Steiner-If you promise to run away into the woods and never return, I'll spare your life.

Eiko-Oh, all right. I'll see ya later.

(runs off stage)

Steiner-(calls after her)

I hope not!

(oglop hops on stage)

Oglop-Gwok! Gwok! 

Steiner-O-oglop! …I have a brilliant idea. I will kill this oglop and take its lungs and liver back to the Queen.

Oglop-(hops around)

Gwok-gwok!

Steiner-(chases oglop)

Come here you!

(curtain closes)

(end act 1)


	2. Meet the Seven Moogles

Beatrix-The huntsman returned to the castle with the lungs and liver of an …uh… oglop…

Beatrix-The huntsman returned to the castle with the lungs and liver of an …uh… oglop…

(curtain opens and Dagger is sitting on her throne)

Steiner-(enters)

Your Majesty, I bring you the lungs and liver of Snow White.

Dagger-…Uh… wonderful!

Steiner-Uh… excuse me Your Highness, but aren't you going to eat them?

Dagger-Do I have to?

Steiner-(whispers)

Princess, it is in the script.

Dagger-Uh…

(servants rush in, tie a bib around her neck, give her a knife and fork, and rush back out)

Dagger-(sighs)

(cuts a piece of the oglop liver and eats)

I think I'm going to be sick!

(rushes off stage to the bathroom)

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-Snow White was now all alone in the huge forest. Night came and she was very afraid. She heard strange animal noises and began to run. She ran over stones and thorns until she could run no more and fell asleep under a tree. At last, dawn woke the sleeping forest to the song of the birds and Snow White as well…

(curtain opens and Eiko is lying under a tree)

Eiko-(yawns and stretches)

What a night! I wonder where I am?

(looks around)

Hey what's that?

(two crewmembers push a tiny cottage onstage and exit)

Eiko-That wasn't there before. I wonder who …or what… lives there.

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-Snow White walked up to the cottage and opened the door…

(curtain opens and Eiko is in the cottage)

Eiko-(walks over to the table and picks up a plate)

Wow these are real tiny plates…

(drops it)

Oops! Oh well… these spoons are tiny too.

(stomach growls)

That was well timed. I'm hungry so I don't think they'll mind if I eat some of their food and drink some of this…

(looks in cup)

…stuff. What is this? Oh well.

(drinks it)

Hey, not bad.

(looks around)

Oh, what tiny beds.

(yawns)

Maybe I'll just take a nap in one of them…

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-Now Snow White was unaware that she was in the house of the seven dwarfs, uh I mean moogles… Each day the moogles went to work at a mine, and returned home at sunset. They lit their seven little candles and saw someone had been in their house…

(curtain opens and the moogles are in the cottage)

Chimomo-(whispers)

I can't get my candle lit, kupo.

Mois-Let me do it. Here, hold this.

(gives candle to Morrison)

(pulls out matches and tries to light it)

Damn match won't light, kupo! Let me try again.

(tries match after match, but none will light and a pile of matches as high as his pom-pom appears)

Atla-Let's just move on, kupo.

Mois-Oh, all right, kupo.

Morrison-Ahem. Someone has been in our house, kupo.

Chimomo-You're right. Who has been sitting in my chair, kupo?

Mois-Who broke my damn plate, kupo?

Grimo-Who ate my bread, kupo?

Momatose-Who ate my vegetables, kupo-kupo?

Mogki-Who used my fork, kupo?

Morrison-Who used my knife, kupo?

Atla-Who has been drinking from my cup, kupo? …What is this stuff anyway, kupo?

Grimo-Beats me, kupo.

Chimomo-Who stepped on my bed, kupo?

Mois-And someone is sleeping in my damn bed!

Beatrix-They looked at Snow White, but the did not wake her. They thought she was beautiful and liked her very much. Finally Snow White woke up…

Eiko-(yawns)

Ah! Who-who are you?

Chimomo-We are the seven moogles, kupo.

Mois-Why were you sleeping in my damn bed, kupo!?

Morrison-Don't mind him, kupo. He's grumpy.

Mois-Hey!

Morrison-What are you doing here, kupo?

Eiko-Well, my evil stepmother tried to get a huntsman to kill me, but he chickened out and let me go if I promised never to return.

Atla-Oh, that's terrible, kupo!

Momatose-If you will cook, sew, wash, knit and clean you can stay with us, kupo.

Eiko-(mutters)

Slave drivers…

Grimo-And you will have anything you want, kupo. We come home in the evening from the ore mine, kupo-kupo.

Eiko-Alright. You've just got yourself a new roommate!

Mogki-Watch out for the Queen, kupo. And don't let anyone in.

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-The Queen thought she was the most beautiful woman in the land again. The next morning she stepped before her mirror…

(curtain opens and Dagger is standing in front of the "mirror" )

Dagger-(asks Vivi)

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who's the fairest of them all?

Vivi-(blushes)

You, my Queen, are fair, it's true.

But little Snow White, beyond the seven mountains

Is a thousand times fairer than you.

Dagger-I knew I was the fairest- wha-what did you say? Snow White!? Uh! I can't believe that brat is still alive! …Only the seven moogles live in the seven mountains. They must have rescued her. I need to plan a way to get rid of her for good. …I know, I'll disguise myself as a peasant woman and sell apples! But I'll put a poisoned apple in with the rest! It's genius! 

(laughs evilly)

(curtain closes) 

(end act 2)


	3. This is Censored!?

Beatrix-The Queen wasted no time in putting her plan into action

Beatrix-The Queen wasted no time in putting her plan into action. Taking the quickest way into the forest, she crossed the swamp at the edge of the trees. She reached the bank unseen, just as Snow White stood waving goodbye to the…moogles… on their way to the mine…

(curtain opens and Eiko is in the cottage kitchen)

Eiko-I can't believe what pigs those moogles are! No wonder they needed me to clean for them.

(knock, knock)

Eiko-Who's there?

Dagger-(calls from other side of the door)

Um… I'm an old peasant woman selling delicious, red apples!

Eiko- An old peasant woman selling delicious, red apples who?

Dagger-It's not a joke! I'm really selling apples.

Eiko-Oh. Sorry, but I'm not allowed to let anyone in.

Dagger-You're a good girl. I know, I'll give you one of my lovely, red apples as a reward!

Eiko-Really? Wow, that's nice of you. …Are you sure it's not poisoned?

Dagger-Of coarse. W-why would you think something like that!?

Eiko-No reason.

(opens the door a crack and takes apple)

Dagger-There, isn't that a nice apple…

Eiko-(bites into apple)

Oh…

(falls to ground)

Dagger-(chuckles evilly)

Now who's the fairest of them all?

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-This made the Queen very happy, but on the way back to the castle…

(curtain opens and Dagger is in the forest)

Dagger-Finally Snow White is dead and I'm the fairest in the land!

(walks toward "quicksand" without noticing)

Dagger-I think I will tell everyone that Snow White ran away. Yes that's what I'll say- ah!

(falls into quicksand)

Help me! Somebody help m-

(sinks into quicksand)

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-That evening when the dwarves, uh I mean moogles… returned home…

(curtain opens and the moogles are in the cottage and find Eiko on the floor)

Morrison-Snow White, kupo!?

(moogles all run over to Eiko)

Grimo-I-I think she's dead, kupo…

Mois-Damn. Now who's going to do the housework for us, kupo?

Atla-Mois! She did a lot for us, kupo. Don't you care?

Mois-(crosses arms)

Humph. … … …

(begins to cry)

Oh, you're right. I do care!

(curtain closes)

Beatrix-All of the moogles tried their best to bring Snow White around, but it was no use. They wept and wept for a long time. Then they laid her on a bed of rose petals, carried her into the forest, and put her into a crystal coffin. Each day they laid a flower there…

(curtain opens and moogles are in the forest with Eiko laying in the coffin)

Mogki-Snow White, kupo. You helped us so much.

Chimomo-Yes, you were always there with a smile, kupo.

Momatose-We really miss you, kupo.

(moogles all walk off stage)

Beatrix-Then one day a Prince wondered into the forest and discovered Snow White's crystal coffin…

(Zidane enters)

Hey, who's that?

(moogles all enter)

Chimomo-Who are you?

Zidane-I should be asking you the same question. But since you asked first, I am Prince Zidane of Tantalus.

Atla-Oh, you're a prince, kupo?

Zidane-Yeah. Who are you guys and who is she?

Morrison-We are the seven moogles from the seven mountains…

Grimo-…And she is Snow White.

Zidane-She is so lovely. I'd love to …kiss… her.

(leans down to kiss Eiko)

Censor-(runs on stage)

Excuse me.

Zidane-Who are you?

Censor-That doesn't matter. I'm afraid I can't allow you to kiss her.

(hands Zidane a purple bag)

Take this and sprinkle it on her. She will wake up because…

(faces audience)

…it's "magic powder".

Zidane-Alright. I'll try it.

(censor exits)

Zidane-(sprinkles powder on Eiko)

Eiko-(coughs and sits up)

That was dust!

Chimomo-Snow White! You're alive, kupo!

(moogles cheer)

Zidane-Um, Snow White? Will you marr-

(censor enters)

Censor-(hands Zidane a piece of paper)

We can't allow you to say that either. Read the paper instead.

(exits)

Zidane-O-okay. Ahem. 'Snow White will you be my …friend?

Eiko-W-what is this!? Where's my kiss!?

Zidane-Sorry Eiko, but the kiss isn't in the script anymore. …So do you want to be my friend or not?

Eiko-…Oh alright. I'll be your …friend.

(moogles cheer)

Beatrix-And from that day on, Snow White and the Prince …uh… were the best of …friends.

(curtain closes)

(audience applauds)

(curtain opens and entire cast bows)

(louder applause)

(curtain closes)

(end act 3)


	4. What Happened?

(behind scenes)

(behind scenes)

Eiko-Zidane! You owe me big time now!

Zidane-Why?…Oh, because of the 'kiss' incident?

Eiko-Yes.

Zidane-Sorry, but that was cut out of the script.

Eiko-Oh! I'm so mad!

(stomps off)

Vivi-Wow Dagger, you were really great as the evil Queen!

Dagger-(giggles)

You think so?

Vivi-(nods)

Yeah, you really seemed to become the character.

Dagger-(laughs evilly)

Vivi-Ah!

(runs away)

Dagger-Wait Vivi! I was only pretending!

(chases after Vivi)

Steiner-I was not a woman this time! I'm so happy.

Amarant-I can't believe I didn't get a part this time!

Freya-But Amarant, last time you didn't even _want_ to be in the play!

Amarant-Yeah, but I would've been perfect for the bounty hunter.

Freya-…You mean 'huntsman'.

Amarant-Whatever…

Chimomo-That was sure fun, kupo!

Mogki-You're right, kupo.

Atla-Mois, you really got into character, kupo.

Mois-Damn right I did, kupo!

Momatose-Do you have to keep saying that word, kupo?

Mois-Which damn word are you talking about, kupo?

Momatose-That one, kupo!

Mois-Which damn word, kupo!?

Grimo-Oh boy, kupo…

Steiner-Beatrix, you did such a wonderful job narrating. We should consider making it your official duty to narrate all plays in Alexandria.

Beatrix-(sighs)

* What'd you think? Review and let me know! *


End file.
